r/atheism - Gay valedictorian kicked out of his home for refusing to attend parent's church

Gay valedictorian kicked out of his home for refusing to attend parent's church
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Glad he's getting support and could leave that toxic environment. He's level-headed and goal-orientated. The kid's alright.
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Judgmental religious parents; how typical.
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I was about to say the same. Its probably for the best, somehow I doubt the first 18 years were very beneficial to him. He'll probably do much better on his own.
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He's gay, valedictorian, and most importantly, made the news. This kid will be rolling in scholarship offers.
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Well, a driven and motivated guy who happens to be gay. Too bad his parents would apparently prefer a straight loser instead.
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This is what happens when parents are encouraged to view their children as mere property.
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And somewhere in there parents say, "spare the rod, spoil the child" in justifying physical abuse of children.
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My sister attends one of those churches that push that bullshit. The church even hosts "workshops" where the parents can learn and discuss the best ways to physically "discipline" (i.e. abuse) their children without leaving bruises or marks.
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Bag of oranges, or a phone book.
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But if you start smacking ill tempered adults around it's ""assault"" and ""battery"". Fucking double standard.
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You can’t even hit a dog or you’ll get in trouble for animal cruelty but somehow it’s fine if it’s a human child.
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Well yeah, unless they're women or gay. Then it's perfectly okay to hit them, especially if they get uppity.
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Which is gross because that comes from a somewhat raunchy poem.
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When you love your cult more than your children.
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It’s the ‘everything you do reflects on us’ mindset some parents have.
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Can you blame the bigotry? I guess you really can't claim child abuse since he is 18. I would let someone in that situation, including him, stay at my place.
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84 points · 12 hours ago
As long as no documented abuse happened before he turned 18 then they might could get away with it. Evict him for not paying rent or something but make sure to do it in the correct legal way. That said in my state domestic violence laws apply to all family members not just spouse/lovers, and it includes harassment that can inflict substantial emotional stress. I feel like a judge might think kicking your high school kid out of the house while they are still in school would meet that definition.
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69 points · 10 hours ago
In the Netherlands it’s illegal to kick out your kid while they’re still attending high school, never understood why it wasn’t the same in the US. It’s just so obviously wrong to kick out a kid still in high school.
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I'm curious how that's enforceable? My family didn't exactly kick me out, but they did make me miserable and suicidal enough that leaving was my only option once I turned 18.
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26 points · 9 hours ago
It’s enforceable in the same way that in the US it’s enforceable that you can’t kick out a kid under 18. Parents are legally responsible for their care until they turn 18 and can’t just kick them to the streets and stop supporting them. In the Netherlands it’s just that you’re legally responsible for their care until they finish high school.
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It doesnt matter LGBT kids as young as 13 get kicked out all the time in US and basically no one does anything about it
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And in some states, it's illegal to help them . That's what blows my mind.
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When enough of those parents create a local voting majority. :/
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There are varying degrees of "care". And the legal minimum is quite low.
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3 points · 7 hours ago
I'm pretty sure it's a state by state thing here. In CA if a kid turns 18 while in high school they ride a very weird legal line but basically the parents are on the hook until the end of the school year, and then they can start the eviction processes if they want.
I forget what the exact laws are, but I used to work at a shelter for minors and we dealt with this exact kind of thing sometimes. A few times the police made the parents come down to the shelter and pick the kid up. Probably a Pyrrhic victory most of the time.
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4 points · 10 hours ago
My 18 year old brother is an absolute terror and my mother owns a daycare that she runs from our home . He is a high school student and recently was arrested for stealing 8 guns. Should she be forced to house an adult that is endangering her daycare children?
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Shouldn't he be in jail for stealing 8 guns?
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5 points · 10 hours ago
He will but the legal process is slow. More importantly, if he wouldn't have been caught he would still be just as much a danger to the daycare, yet with no way to force him to leave if it were illegal.
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The law isn’t black and white. If your brother constitutes a danger to those around him then he could be kicked out, of course.
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This makes no sense because you can most certainly kick people/family/your spouse out for doing illegal things even if they own the home. Obviously only temporarily for you to get you things and leave, but still.
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No, this guy should be in juvenile detention. Obviously.
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Something something 2nd Ammendment, dun tek our guns!
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I mean, this is the US and we can definitely be retarded.
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No I blame the parents.
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Religious is an accurate descriptor, but they are human garbage as people.
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9 points · 11 hours ago
Is there some sort of support group that matches kids (or even older teens) with foster parents? Even if this guy is 18, you still need a support network for college and such...a place to go home for summer break, etc.
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4 points · 7 hours ago
I can't say for certain there are no services like that, but there are very, very few meaningful long-term services for homeless adults, and fewer still that target the 18-24 bracket.
I worked with a nonprofit which tried for a decade to get 18-24 transitional shelter open, and they finally got enough to get a group home open for a while, but the interest and money isn't really there.
Unless the person gets into the foster care system early, there's not much to be done. There are a pretty fair amount of services and scholarships for ex-foster kids, but unless your parents tried to murder you the foster care system doesn't really take older teenagers.
There might be a workable idea though, in having established gay members of the community foster displaced young adults. The optics aren't great, but it could be a great community builder.
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293 points · 15 hours ago
Argh I hate these idiots.
I know a brilliant young woman who recently graduated high school--one of those who was smart enough to be a brain surgeon type..and one of the nicest people you'd ever meet. However, her family pressured her to attend a non-accredited religious college in the midwest because that's where her dad went. She didn't want to go there but being a good christian, you obey your parents.
So...she basically threw a ton of her potential out the window. She'll still do well because she's a remarkable woman--but now has a virtually worthless degree from gawd U to base that on.
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18 points · 9 hours ago
Oh you can’t begin to imagine how much this upsets me. In a similar vein, a family friend recently graduated highschool and is now going to his mega-church affiliated and completely uncredited college to get his certificate in Church music (don’t know the actual program name).
This kid is a ridiculously talented singer and dancer. Had the lead each time for his highschool musical (a school that has churned out countless Broadway bound performers), can play the piano beautifully, and is just all around an amazing performer.
Instead of auditioning for any number of theatre focused schools, he is learning church music because that is what his mom and the church wanted. Ugh!
Oh, and he is also the most flamboyantly closeted gay guy I have ever met. I am sure his future wife who he meets in church will be very happy.
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72 points · 13 hours ago
Right? I have no control over whether or not I find a woman's body attractive. I really like boobs, I'm sorry (not really). I guess the difference for me is that because I'm bi I can pass as a straight person by only dating someone of the opposite sex but it's not as if I suddenly am not interested in women. But that's not something that I intentionally chose and it amazes me how many people from both sides can be really hostile towards someone who likes both sexes. I can't wait until the world is such that you can come home to your parents and say I'm dating Dan or I'm dating Rebecca and people are happy for you and don't freak the fuck out.
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28 points · 10 hours ago
They think it their business because the god they worship believes in punishing the entire population of a country for the actions of it's worst citizens. They literally think these gay people next door are going to cause god to destroy the entire neighborhood indiscriminately. That's what their pastor tells them, and then, between asking for money, proceeds to lay out event after event from the old testament where the people don't chastise heir neighbors for transgressions and god crushes them in retribution. It's pure brain washing and utterly evil, but if you were led to believe this view of reality then you'd believe gay bashing was actually saving millions of lives, so you'd consider yourself holy.
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4 points · 5 hours ago
I have a hard time with it too. A friend of mine was raised extremely religiously conservative and helped me understand a little. She said her mother cries herself to sleep many nights over terror of the fate of her own soul, and plenty of other nights over the fate of her wayward children's souls. She literally believes this is not just life or death, but literal eternal life or eternal hellfire. Religion is such powerful mind control. I can't imagine living in that amount of fear. But I think these parents are so stunted by religion that they believe they will suffer in a very literal burning hell if they do not act this way. Truly no critical thinking going on (especially as they're also dedicated to avoiding that evil secular education).
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9 points · 14 hours ago
My cousin who is super into self help stuff (we’re both gay) made me read this book while I was struggling at engineering school and being too hard on myself, as to why a large number of gay people are so driven and are kind of neurotic when it comes to trying to be perfect. According to the book, it’s because once we are in the closet we view ourselves as horrible abominations and we feel like we have to make that up in the form of trying to be perfect everywhere else in our lives, like school. That totally resonated with me, I was so wound up in high school (loaded myself up with as many APs as possible, barely hung out with friends outside of school and extracurricular activities, stayed up all night studying,etc) and when I came out it was like weight was lifted and I found out how much fun hanging out with people can be, so in college I really struggled with balancing school and a personal life.
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Score hidden · 58 minutes ago
First, he didn't create the go fund me. His teacher did and he humbly accepted the gift of people caring about him when his own parents didn't.
Second, he was a valedictorian and had earned the right to go where he wanted. He was counting on his parents supporting him through college as most of us do.
Third, the federal government requires that you disclose your parents' income on the FAFSA because they assume that parents are contributing. Awards from the FAFSA have already been determined at this point and he can't change his status until applying for funds next year.
Fourth, he's already committed to going to the school. The chances of him being able to withdraw for free are slim and even if he could, he can't even apply for scholarships at a different school because deadlines have already past. So he'd wind up spending absurd amounts of money either way and this way, he's getting the education he's rightfully earned and has better opportunities to get the help he needs next year through typical channels.
But please, go on and make assumptions about this young man that's clearly doing the best he can despite an awful situation.
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1 point · 8 hours ago
I was kicked out of my house at 15 because my friends were poor and I needed to not deal with 'losers'. 15 years later and a brief stint homeless in high school later I graduated as a salutatorian from high school, have 2 degrees one in chemical engineering and another in software engineering, and make 2-3x more than my father ever did. Still friends with 2 of those 'loser' friends who are both nearly as well off as myself. See them at least once a month. Just because someone is different or not well off doesn't effect them. If they are motivated people that would rather suffer themselves then cause harm to another are what makes a person good. Anyone who steps in the way of you and dealing with good people is just ignorant trash.
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